


desire

by thepeopletoomustrise



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Gen, M/M, enjolras is so AWKWARD I'M PUNCHING MYSELF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 17:14:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepeopletoomustrise/pseuds/thepeopletoomustrise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras is really bad at sexting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	desire

**Author's Note:**

> For the kink meme prompt that Enjolras is really bad at sexting. There's not much more to it. (I also really liked the idea that E is not good at everything he does)
> 
> e & R are too cute, the end. 
> 
> [mod au / est relationship] 
> 
> Please read the end notes! :)

It’s a snowy afternoon when Enjolras first decides to try it.

 

He’s at school, sitting in an empty hallway between classes, and he sips on a mug with tea made by his favorite barista; he’s finished all his homework he needed to get done. His last class was spent sitting next to Courfeyrac, who had been so distracted by his cell phone that Enjolras couldn’t help but ask why; the answer was sexting, apparently – something that Courf had been constantly encouraging Enjolras to try with Grantaire since they’d gotten together a year ago. Personally Enjolras found it a little trivial, but with boredom and time to spare, he’s finally decided it may be worth a shot. He feels that being sexy is not necessarily his forte – he lacks experience prior to their relationship.

 

And Grantaire had been down lately, anyway, as he’s stressed about a last-minute art assignment for one of his hardest classes. Maybe this will help. Or, at least make him smile.

 

Enjolras pulls out his iPhone and momentarily taps it against his chin. He’s trying to remember the sexts Courfeyrac had sent him, trying to pull on some prior knowledge, but in all honesty he has none; hm. _Think like Courfeyrac,_ he tells himself, _or Jehan, as he’s good with words._

 

He wonders if there’s a right way to sext. Hopefully not – he texts Grantaire.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _What are you up to? Have you seen the snow? You’d find it very visually appealing._

 

The reply is almost immediate, and Enjolras smiles at his screen like a love-struck fool.

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Trapped in the studio, but that’s what windows are for. I’d paint it if I could._

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _But of course I don’t have time, as Professor Idiot decided to assign us this damn concentration a week before the due date._

 

He sighs; he can’t help but to feel poorly for Grantaire’s sake, as he rarely gets this intensely stressed due to schoolwork. He makes a mental note to stop by his boyfriend’s favorite Chinese place to pick up dinner; Grantaire will probably laugh and call him stereotypically domestic.

 

For a few moments he’s lost in his own thoughts, but his phone bleeps and punctures his happy little scenario.

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Everything okay with you???_

 

Usually, Enjolras isn’t into text small talk and prefers phone calls, so its no wonder that Grantaire is confused as to the motive of the texts – actually, Enjolras is too, and he begins to frantically turn to Google for assistance with his sexting endeavor.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Yes, just checking in. Hold on._

Safari takes way too freaking long to load results; when they do pop up, Enjolras feels as if he’s losing brain cells, but he scrolls through multiple websites to compile ideas and improve his own sexual knowledge.

 

He gathers that he’s supposed to leave ‘a lot up to imagination,’ but he has no idea how to freaking leave anything up to imagination if you’re being sexy, and then another website says that pictures are a must (but a different website than the aforementioned advocates the opposite). And now another site is telling him not to use “big words,” which is his entire vocabulary.

 

After a bit of searching, he does find a few sample text messages for “beginners” and figures on of those could be worth a shot, at least to start.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Thinking about kissing you_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Everywhere._

He sees that Grantaire is typing right away and suddenly feels panic settle into his stomach. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Is this Enjolras?_

Enjolras feels his expression narrow when he glares at his phone;

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Yes, asshole. I’m trying something new (Go with it)_

Maybe he needs to take a different approach. What if Grantaire doesn’t like this? What if he’s just getting more stressed at trying to decode the texts?

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I can’t wait to help you de-stress tonight._

**_Grantaire:_ ** _That reminds me, could you stop by the store on your way home? We’re out of milk._

Enjolras nearly face palms; is Grantaire really not getting it? This isn’t working, _dammit,_ this _really_ isn’t working. He tugs hands through his wavy hair angrily and opens a new text message, desperate.

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Courfeyrac, what do you do if someone doesn’t know you’re trying to sext them? Hypothetically speaking???_

**_Courfeyrac:_ ** _Well, be reaaaaal blunt with them. I’ve got one for you; “My penis is standing erect.” Lol. Pull a Combeferre and get anatomical._

Courfeyrac must know what he’s talking about, so Enjolras copies and pastes his suggestion directly into his conversation with his boyfriend. Or at least he thinks he sends it to his boyfriend:

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _My penis is standing erect._

**_Combeferre:_ ** _Congratulations on your erect penis._

Shit, wrong number. He fixes it, but it’s after he’s pressed send that Courfeyrac now  sends another message.

 

**_Courfeyrac:_ ** _Enjolras, you know I was kidding right?! Haha_

**_Courfeyrac:_ ** _Knowing you, u would totally copy and paste that shit_

**_Courfeyrac:_ ** _Hello???_

**_Courfeyrac:_ ** _I WAS KIDDING lol enjolrassssss_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I’m actually going to kill you._

Grantaire’s text interrupts Enjolras, who is typing a paragraph into an angry rant directed at Courfeyrac about how he can’t be sarcastic with Enjolras over text message.

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _The fuck?_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I’m trying to be sexy._

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Wait… you’re trying to sext me?!? Did Courf put you up to this?!_

He is tempted to slam his face into the wall multiple times but resists. Stop it. He can do this.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Not necessarily._

Maybe Marius will know something. He’s had the longest relationship out of all of their friends… if he got Cosette, he must know something about this kind of crap.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _How do you sext?_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I need to know for science_

**_Marius:_ ** _I don’t Knickerbocker_

**_Marius:_ ** _*Know Haha autocorrect_

**_Marius:_ ** _PPPPPPJJJJ nnn…. 786_

**_Marius:_ ** _Haha! Didn’t mean to send That, sorry Endoscopy_

**_Marius:_ ** _*Enjolras_

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t ask Marius.

 

One of the articles had said to look for synonyms to body parts without actually typing them… maybe that will work a bit better.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I’d like to touch your meat wand._

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Excuse me?_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Or you could touch my heat seeking moisture missile instead._

**_Grantaire:_ ** _what IS GOING ON_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I just love every bone in your body…_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _…especially mine._

Is that sexy?

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Ok_

Apparently not.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _The word of the day is “legs”_

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Don’t._

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Let’s go spread the word_

**_Grantaire:_ ** _I told you not to._

A pause. He gets a text from someone else, in that moment, and when he checks it he nearly explodes:

 

**_Bahorel:_ ** _Pontmercy told me ur trying to sext, lololololololol_

Dammit Marius. He goes back to the task at hand and deletes the text message. What can he say to turn his boyfriend on?

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I’ll play your love whistle._

Sighing, he bites his lip and is sure he’s sweating profusely. Why can’t he do this? Enjolras _always_ knows how to express himself via speech and words, but at these attempts he’s coming up completely dry. His phone bleeps loudly and he assumes it’s Grantaire, but much to his dismay, it’s not;

 

**_Marius:_ ** _HHHHjjjj fffffeeee #7888_

**_Marius:_ ** _Not Again oh Dear !_

Enjolras, focus. There must be something he’s doing wrong; perhaps he’s beating around the bush (no pun intended). Perhaps he should just put himself out there.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _TOUCH YOURSELF_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _DO IT._

**_Grantaire:_ ** _…I don’t think that’s how you sext._

**_Enjolras:_ ** _DAMMIT GRANTAIRE I SAID TOUCH YOURSELF_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _How the hell is it supposed to work?! Because I don’t get it, and I’m trying really hard. This is stupid._

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I’m trying to be sexy, R_

He leans back against the wall and notices that there are people looking at him as they walk by; with good reason, he supposes. Enjolras is certain that, at this point, he looks equally frazzled and frustrated. He’s not used to tripping over his own words, even via text.

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _Ah, you don’t have to try, though. You just are. Always._

Looking out at the snow, he sighs again.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _This is me trying to cheer you up. I thought being sexy or whatever would take your mind off of things. I suck_

**_Grantaire:_ ** _It is helping! Something’s rising, and it certainly isn’t the French flag._

Enjolras smiles at this and a soft laugh curls from his lips. He’s no stranger to Grantaire’s ability to make him smile with barely anything, and all he wants to do is something like that for him.

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I’m going to make you feel so special tonight, R._

**_Grantaire:_ ** _You don’t have to do that…_

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Plan for me to be home around six with dinner and a bath._

**_Grantaire:_ ** _I’m serious._

**_Enjolras:_ ** _So am I._

_Screw what the articles said_ , he thinks; he’ll do this his own way. His boyfriend deserves more than what some generic sex blog suggests.

 

**_Enjolras:_ ** _I plan to help you relax. To unravel you in the most lavish and delicious way; in your favorite way._

**_Enjolras:_ ** _And you’re so fantastically beautiful when you moan -- I hope you know that. I’d like to have you doing it over and over again._

**_Enjolras:_ ** _And you’ll want to turn the attention to me, but I won’t let you. Because you deserve it._

He shakes his head languidly at his phone, but there’s a lazy smile on his lips anyway. He’ll get better with time.

 

**_Grantaire:_ ** _I love you so much_

**_Grantaire:_ ** _I love your meat wand too._

**_Enjolras:_ ** _Shut up._

 

**_Marius:_ ** _HHHHjjjjjjj 243 >>>>> FFFHKKK ,_


End file.
